hospital is enough for me.

The twins really get me quite stressed out these past few days. They have just got their new remote-controlled car and a remote-controlled helicopter on their birthday party and they play it like every minute!

As an instant example, they play it RIGHT NOW in this small living room! And I can’t listen to Chris Brown singing “With You” on MTV!

“Could both of you please play in your room?!” I almost lost my patience.

“No. our room is so small. We can play in your room if you want us to. Your room is bigger than ours.” says Nathan without taking his eyes from his helicopter.

“Yeah, and you will make my room a mess!” I retort. I don’t know how Mum can still make toast right now under the noises of the crashing car and flying helicopter. And it’s just crash the kitchen cabinet! Gosh!

I finally turn the TV off and walk upstairs, growling and well, say few rude words to them. But that’s ok cos they don’t even listen! I close my bedroom door and throw myself to bed. Tomorrow is Friday, which means, a day away from meeting Ian. And like it or not, I will meet Ian this Saturday. How could I possibly cope with this?

Vi has suggested few other things that I might do to apologize to him, but none works for me! She’s busy playing with Ruby and that’s why she comes out with even crazier ideas such as: send Ian a bouquet of flower with apologizing card, make a poem for Ian and slip it in his bag, and make a pizza for him with ketchup sauce spread all over it spelled: “I am Sorry”

The next day comes like a switch. I’m not even ready yet for today! For the greeting from Jeremy (oh he’s in the same school with me!), for the glaring jealous girls, for Vi’s news that said she will takes Ruby to this weekend party, for everything!

I have this plan to run away from work time tomorrow actually, but as Vi said, ‘running away from problems doesn’t mean that you solve it’. Hhhhh…….

“Hey!” Jeremy’s sudden voice jolts me to reality. He comes to my class and makes Kelly and other girls staring as if he’s Brad Pitt or Zac Efron. Well, he quite looks like Chace Crawford, if you take a real good look at him.

“So, can you both come to this weekend’s party?” he takes a seat in front of me.

“Yes! Totally, Jer! I need refreshment!” Vi replies eagerly.

“I think I can come too!” I say.

“Great! I got something to show you two!” Jeremy says, and before we can ask what it is, Peter calls him to join his team playing football on recess time. Wow! It’s not just the girls who are fond of him, the guys too! And Jeremy’s become popular in no time!

“You gotta help me choosing what dress I and Ruby will wear.” Vi says, “I was thinking of wearing the black sequined one but I haven’t sew the sequins on Ruby’s dress….” I don’t pay any attention to Vi anymore, my mind’s drifted away, passing me to the day ahead of me. The day where I will meet Ian. What should I say to him? Will he ever forgive me?

“….ok?” Vi has finished her sentence and I don’t even know what’s she talking about.

“You didn’t listen, aren’t you?” Vi can quickly read my mind like a mind-reader. It’s quite creepy sometimes but that doesn’t happen only to Vi. In fact, many people can read my mind right away, it’s like I’m transparent!

“Well, I hear the choosing-the-dress part…” I try to make an excuse. But Vi gives me a look, “Ok! A little!” I admit.

“You’re thinking about Ian, aren’t you?” Vi’s now looking at my face, searching for the answer.

“Quite.” I exhale.

I catch the first bus that will take me to Sanctuary. This is insane! I even wrote everything down so I don’t get lost in the middle of my apologizing sentence. I inhale and exhale few times, people say that can make you relax, but nothing whatsoever happen!

Ok so here is how the note reads:

Ian, I know I’m such a selfish cow and I sometimes act superior on everything. I’m sorry that I said those things to you, about the “level” things. I was mad at Sean at that time so I was a bit too carried. I understand if you can’t tolerate that kind of stupid thing but I just want you to know that I didn’t mean it. I want to be friend with you for what you are and I never looked down on you. I know I am wrong and for that I want to say sorry.

Dramatic, isn’t it? But I’m like 99% sure I can’t say each word exactly like how it’s written.

I try to rummage through my mind, getting everything on its place so that I can prepare myself mentally. But everything seems swirling in my head, and I can’t concentrate! Suddenly the bus stops, which means, I am close to Sanctuary already! I get off from the bus and walk briskly down the pavements. This whole thing won’t work! I crumple the apologizing paper in my hand and try to keep on walking.

I push the store’s door open and suddenly I feel sick. “Sugar, what’s wrong with you?” Diane’s voice seems so far away. “Man! You’re so pale!” she comes closer to me and start to touch my forehead. I can see Ian arranging the bottles of aromatherapy on the rack and he doesn’t even look at me.

“Come on, darling. Sit down…” why does Diane’s face so blurry? And her voice, why does it seems so far? And everything seems to go round in circle?

And why is it so dark?

******

“Sugar?” I can hear a soft voice, so distant. “Sugar?” the voice calls me again. Who is it? Where am I? I try to open my eyes but it’s so heavy, does someone put something on it? What happen?

A small light shine through the darkness and I finally manage to open my eyelid one after another. A familiar face rising before me, it’s Ian. “What’s wrong?” I ask but nothing comes out from my mouth! Am I mute? What happen? Oh my god! I can’t be mute! I’m not mute! I destined not to be mute! HELLPPP!

I try to clear my throat, “WHAT’S WRONG?!” and surprisingly, it echoes as loud as ever.

Oh, there it is! I don’t lose my voice, and I’m not mute.

“Sssshh! Calm down! We are in the hospital.” Ian says.

“What? Hospital? Why? What happened?” I can feel panic rising inside my body.

“You fainted.” He says. “and Diane and I brought you here. Diane guard you till midnight and now it’s my turn..”

“Midnight?” I practically feel like fainting, “what time is it now?”

“2 a.m.” Ian replies. “your blood pressure is very low and you seem so tense.”

“What? And what about my family? Do they know?” I don’t really care about blood pressure and I’m tense because of…….. it’s because of him! God! I fainted just because I want to apologize! That’s so embarrassing!

“No. Vi and Jeremy have came here to see you and decided to tell your parents that you’re going to a party with them.” Ian explains.

A silence fell into the hospital room. The only sound is made by a ticking clock on the wall. This is an awkward moment! I play with my blanket for some moments and pretending to look around the room.

“I…..I saw your paper.” Ian suddenly says, breaking the ice.

Paper? What paper?

“What paper?” and as I ask that, I can feel my cheeks burning with realization, DAMN! Triple damn! How could I be so stupid! That PAPER! The apologizing paper!!!

“Oh my god.” I slowly parted my lips. “you can’t!”

“It fell down when I put you inside my car. And well, I read it…” he admits. Neither of us has guts to look face to face, we both looking down awkwardly.

“I was planning to apologize to you. But embarrassingly, I fainted so….lucky you read it. I planned those words this past week and well, at the end, I fail saying it directly to you. But that is all I want to say. Maybe it’s not much but I really mean those words..” I finally admit. There’s no point hiding anything right now, right?

“So….” I swallow hard. “Will you forgive me?”

“…yes, I forgive you Sugar.” He says, smiling at me.

And at that time, I have to admit, it feels like heaven. A swoosh of relief gently running down my body and suddenly, everything seems just fine! I quietly promise to myself that I will always think what I’m going to say before blurt it out…

And suddenly, it doesn't really matter that I'm not in the weekend party with those party animals and cool people, a hospital is enough for me. cos I'm with Ian!